Letter to the editors of the Red State newspapers

Bravo, Middle America! Until election day, I was worried about what you were going to do when your job is outsourced, when you find privatized social security isn't enough to live on, when you can't afford healthcare, when you're arrested for something you didn't do and find you have no civil liberties, when your cities and towns and schools are falling apart, when global warming destroys all you've worked for, when a corporation poisons your drinking water (I drink bottled water), or when your sons and daughters are killed in Iraq. Now, I'm not worried anymore. (Thanks, Mr. Rove!)

Don't worry about me: I'm only thirty, making close to $200K a year, and it's only the beginning. I won't need social security, I will buy my way out of any legal trouble, my investments are diversified enough to survive natural disasters (and I won't be paying any capital gains taxes on them -- you'll pick up the slack for that), my kids will get a superb education in private school (thanks for the vouchers -- saves me a bundle!), and believe me, on a salary like this, my health care costs are not a problem. Best of all, you can bet that -- like George Bush and the other GOP elite -- neither I nor my kids will ever be caught dead in some foreign war. That's what you and your kids are for, Mr. and Mrs. Moral Issues! Praise God and the Republican Party for which He stands! Or vice versa!

Next year I'm opening a little business, but we'll incorporate in some sunny Caribbean island to avoid US taxes while we sell our products to Americans too dumb to realize what's going on! When the deficit hits bottom and has to be paid by raising taxes, don't worry about me -- I'll just fly away to some foreign country (with low taxes, of course) and leave you distracted cattle to pay it off. Good thing we were attacked on 9/11 or you might have caught on to the game!

Privilege has its perks. While you were voting based on feelings about an abortion you'll never have or gay people you don't know, you increased my tax cuts and made my life easier. Yours will get harder, and in the process, you will get what exactly what you voted for: more phony morality, more war, more intrusion on your privacy, higher taxes, bigger government, lower-paying jobs and less freedom. The Constitution won't be worth the paper it's printed on! You'll basically have one-party rule, just like our good friends in Red China! You got played, Middle America, and all of us 'latte-drinking liberals' and the rest of the filthy rich thank you for being too stupid to realize it.

Signed,
Mr. Top Ten Percent

(thx, BH)