Tom Ridge resigns; America totally safe now

Phew! I feel so much safer. The man who brought us the "Be Terrified" system of color-coding the terrorist threat level, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, resigned today. Ridge, who wrote "America is significantly stronger and safer than ever before" in his resignation letter, will continue his self-delusion by joining John Ashcroft in a traveling barbershop quartet called the Von Crapp Family Singers.