Culture of Life soldier's resume

RESUME
Capt. Rogelio Maynulet (Codename Killer Rog)
U.S. Army APO AE 09014-9355 65205
Wiesbaden
Ph. 011-49-611-705-4039

Career Goals
I hope to parlay my proactive, mercy killing methodology (Codename: Iraqi Justice) I practiced in the U.S. Army into a rewarding career in Republican politics where I can advocate a Culture of Life. Sure, there's hypocrisy in what I'm saying, but I'll fit right in with my Republican colleagues. And hey, I'm a soldier. Don't you support our troops? What are you, some commie?

References
Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX). I highly recommend this soldier. Even though he killed an Iraqi civilian in cold blood, he's an American soldier. And if you don't support our troops, then you're un-American. And even though I said all life is precious while I was shilling for votes in the Terri Schiavo case, I didn't actually mean all life is precious. I meant politically expedient lives, unlike that poor Iraqi bastard or my father, for that matter.

George W. Bush (POTUS). Heh-heh, Killer Rog. How can you go wrong with a nickname like that? When I pin the Medal of Freedom on him like I did with those patriots Paul Bremer and George Tenet, I'm going to say, "Way to go, Killer. We need more patriots like you."

Donald Rumsfeld (Sec'y of Defense). You got questions about this soldier's courage? You can bite my ass. This soldier is what's best about the U.S. military. It takes real grit and guts to drill two rounds from a heavy M4 into the head of a writhing insurgent. Hell, the perp's name was Abed Ali al-Haleji, that's a goddam A-rab name if I ever heard one. Captain Maynulet can work for me if you don't give him a goddam job.

Experience
U.S. Army, Company A, 2nd Battalion, 37th Armor Regiment of the 1st Armored Division
1993 - Present

Last Rank: Captain. Commanded Company A in Iraq, Fallujah City. Led attacks on insurgents. Killed bad guys. Executed a mercy killing but was court martialed. Found guilty of killing a wounded Iraqi. Dismissed from the Army, but I was essentially not guilty because I didn't get any jail time.

Education
U.S. Army indoctrination

Salary
Negotiable. Consulting and speaking fees available upon request. Please contact my agents, Dame Judith Regan, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly, for more information.