George Bush: We must invade Spain now because gay marriage threatens democracy...and democracy is on the march.

Spain legalized gay marriage yesterday. Shortly after the historic 187-147 vote by the Spanish Congress, George Bush gathered his closest neocon advisors in the Situation Room and demanded solutions. "Spain's not all that far from Iraq, right, boys?" was what one source, who asked for anonymity, said the president asked as he kicked off the meeting. The source also said that the president said "We must invade Spain now because gay marriage threatens democracy...and democracy is on the march."

When asked about the private session later, Vice President Dick Cheney growled at reporters something about "F**k off!" and then said "9/11, Osama bin Laden, Iraq, Spain." Cheney, who is the father of a lesbian daughter, said, "Those Spanish think they're so good at fighting. Bullfighting, that is. I always knew they were a little light in the loafers. I mean, who else besides the sickos who want gay marriage would watch men in VERY tight pants carry around a pink cape. That's Queer Eye for the Matador Guy if I ever saw it. And we're gonna kick their fairy asses."

Calls to the SECDEF went unanswered. DEVELOPING.