The Secret about The Secret

Psst. I've got a secret for you -- if you're into The Secret, you've been punked. (I won't even give a link to that garbage, but you can't walk five feet these days without seeing one of their infomercials or books stacked high at book stores.)

In Oprah, It's Time to Come Clean about The Secret, author John Gravois calls Oprah to task for pushing the power of positive thinking just a little too far. Way too far. As in a woman who quit her chemotherapy because she believed in what Oprah was touting as the power of positive thinking. I call it the power of positively stinking.

We Know Some Cult of The Secret Members
We know a couple who are really into The Secret. I mean, it's what they talk about all the time. They have the books. Make their kids listen to the tapes. The attribute the good turns they've had lately to The Secret. And it's all bullshit.

You see, The Secret is one of those ideas that's irrefutable. It's all about the power of positive thinking, the author says. Think you'll be successful and you will. Think that you will be healthy and you will. Think you are thin, and voila, you're thin. Um, note to knuckleheads, it doesn't work that way.

The Beauty of CultThink
The Cult of The Secret is that if you think positive thoughts, it'll all work out. And here's the super cool part of why The Secret is so popular among the idiots: If you don't get good things, it just means you didn't think positively enough! Beauty. In other words, The Secret can never be proved wrong because it's just a matter of willpower and positive thinking.

I've Got Your Secret Hanging
I'm glad to see this psychobabble exposed by Slate. It's nuts. In fact, the people we know who are really into The Secret told me a few weeks ago that "food doesn't have calories that you don't let it have." I mean, how cool is that? It's just a matter of thinking that the four scoops of Breyer's Vanilla Bean that I ate last week doesn't have calories unless I "let" it have calories. I've got a secret for the bonehead who told them that: My pants don't know The Secret.