Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Looking for an Honest Guy in Philadelphia

I got a message from my business partner when I hopped on the train last night at 7:15. "We have your check. A guy found it and returned it," she said. I smacked my back pocket. Sure enough, my partner draw check wasn't there. I'd lost a check. Written to me. Endorsed with my signature. It had a few zeros on it.

Incredible, actually. The check fell out of my pocket on the corner of 18th and Spruce at 7pm last night. Here's where Honest Guy enters the picture.

Honest Guy buzzed my business at 7:05. "I have something you want," he said. My business partner and a few of our associates were there. "I'm not sure what you mean," she said. "A check," he said.

Honest Guy found a manual check made out to me - by me - and brought it to our office. Handed it over. Anonymously. Could have been just as easy to copy my signature and get it cashed. Punto. He didn't. Not even close.

I'd like to find him. And thank him. In person.

So...on the odd chance that Honest Guy reads a little blog in Philly, or if someone knows Honest Guy and heard the story, I'd like to hear from you. I have something for you. And "thanks" just isn't enough. Please drop me a note here if you're out there (or just stop by the office again).

Here's what I know about Honest Guy: He brought a check to my office at 18th and Spruce. He was well dressed. He said he lives in the Rittenhouse area. He had short, dark hair and was wearing glasses. (Our Creative Director described him as "good looking," which is a great combo with Honest.)

I'm looking for an Honest Guy in Philadelphia. Please let me know if you're out there...or if you have seen him.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Rush Limbaugh Addicted to Viagra

Rush Limbaugh's little teenie weenie doesn't work. Limbaugh was caught yesterday in the Miami airport with contraband Viagra. (You could say he was caught with his hand in the nookie jar. Then again, I think most of Rush's work is self love.) Little Rushie was detained for three hours. Good thing he wasn't taking Cialis because he would have had an hour to go.

Photo credit.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Junk Mail Help

Junk Mail Help (via BH Int'l)
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 39 cents postage when they receive them back. They have to pay a service fee for the return mail. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

One of Andy Rooney's (60 Minutes) ideas. Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank or Bank of America. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 39 cents.

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it will work.

Photo credit.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Uproar on the R5

"OHMYGAWD! I GOT MY OWN SEAT. YESSSS. MY OWN SEAT ON THE TRAIN. HAH-HAH-HAH. YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YES. I'M SITTING BY MYSELF. JUST MY BAG ON THE SEAT. YEAH!"

30th Street. 9:19PM last night. R5 heading west. Into the mouth of the storm.

"HE-HE-HE. YOUCANTFUCKINGBELIEVEIT. NOFUCKINGWAY. YEAH-YEAH-YEAH."

The picture here is the backside of the most outrageous "yell phone" caller I've ever seen. And I'm Public Transportation Boy, so I've seen my share. This woman, 23-going-on-3, was doing her routine in the most obnoxious voice possible, shouting obscenities, being an actor (invoke Jon Lovitz voice here). Ugh. Going against my usual reaction, which is to tell the offender to STFU, I asked the conductor if she could reel in Ms. Mouth. Didn't work.

"YOUCANTBELIEVEIT! BITCH. YEAH. I GOT MY OWN SEAT. IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO COOL. LIKE, YEAH."

This went on for the first couple of stops. Then a beautiful thing happened. Passengers on the R5 decided they were mad as hell and weren't going to take it anymore. It started as a buzz. A 55-year-old guy sitting behind Ms. Mouth rolled up his newspaper and pretended to beat her over the head. The back half of the car fell about the place. Then, one by one, people started talking VERY loudly.

"OMIGOD. IT'S SO GODDAM LOUD IN HERE. YEAH. YEAH. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. YEAH."

And then people asked Ms. Mouth to shut it. Some asked. Some demanded.

"I DON'T HAVE TO SHUT UP. YOU SHUT UP. I CAN TALK HOW I WANT."

More requests. More buzz. More grumbling.

"I SAID F**K HIM. YEAH. HE SAT DOWN."

Beauty. A young guy, 20-something businessman, got up, stood right in front of Ms. Mouth and asked her to stop.

"F**K YOU."

And then it came. The Hurricane Holler. That young guy shouted, "SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, YOU COW."

People whooped and hollered and applauded. Then the conductor came down the aisle and told Ms. Mouth if she didn't comply "right now" that Ms. Mouth would be off the train at the next stop. Plenty of space to talk on the platform. Blessed silence.

Finally, Ms. Mouth got off the train at her stop. And there was spontaneous applause. Wow. I said to the conductor, "I've heard a lot of yell phones in my day, but that one was a piece of work." She agreed.

I listened to NPR in the car on my way home. Turned way down.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

U.S. Soccer Team Loses Its Final World Cup 2006 Match 2-1

The U.S. soccer team lost its final World Cup soccer match to Ghana 2-1. Total shots on goal during the entire 3-game tournament: about 3. One per game, on average. WTF? Who's the goat?

Photo credit.

Once Cheez Whiz is out of the can you can't put it back


Jesus, The Musical is playing at Pax's Place. Cheez Whiz it's funny.

Photo credit.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Guess where I'm going today?

Here's the clue:

Lana: So, how're we doin'?
Joel Goodson: Looks like University of Illinois!

Hint: It's from back before a certain neonatologist jumped on a couch (and jumped the shark).

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Most Beautiful Goal

Joe Cole bounced a pass off his chest and cracked the ball into the upper right of the goal, just off the fingertips of Sweden's goalie. Gorgeous. England 1, Sweden 0 in the 41st minute of the game.

Photo credit.

The NHL playoffs are over

Um, the Stanley Cup was decided last night. It was won by a team I never heard of. Hey, at least they get to play on ice (which would be nice during this heat wave in Philly).

Monday, June 19, 2006

It's Africa Hot Today

I'm too hot to blog (which is not to be confused with I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt, which I definitely am not). It's like Africa hot today. Rain later. I'll get inspired then. Now it's just too hot to move my fingertips.

Photo credit.

Parents Television Council vs. CBS

What would you do if you thought a TV show was indecent?
Probably not distribute the show.

CBS has been fined $3.3 million dollars for indecency by the FCC.
Over a show that drew no complaints when it was first aired.
And no complaints when it was aired again.

But more than 4,000 complaints when the Parents Television Council published clips on their site with a form to send a pre-written complaint to the FCC.

CBS is fighting back

While I am all for citizen activism, it is hard to get behind a group, regardless of their position on the issue, who seem to be the instigators of their own discomfort.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Matt's back in full force

The Tattered Coat is back. Add that to your daily reads, friends. Welcome back, Matt.

Yellow Card

I didn't realize that the fine is so steep for yellow cards in the FIFA World Cup. A yellow card, which have been handed out like candy for tugging on jerseys, costs the equivalent of $4,100 per incidence. Although I understand that the country team doesn't make the individual player pay the fine, it's still a lot of money. Imagine if we implemented that system for personal fouls in football or basketball. That would change the game. In fact, I'm wondering if we can implement the same system for George Bush's government. Give Karl Rove a yellow card. Next time, red card, and he sits out the next four years.

Photo credit.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Cool Shoes

I'm wearing my black-and-white Vans today that look like something out of The Cotton Club. And the doorman at The Warwick stopped me to ask where I got them. Benjamin Lovell, but last year, I told him.

Oh well> it made me look online to see if I could give him a link to finding them. Nope. But I did find these. And I might be wearing them soon on the streets of Philadelphia. (I like them because the decoration on the top also reminds me a bit of a product logo for some technology tools my company is launching this week. Fun stuff.)

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Frankaldinho

I want a cool nickname like the Brazilians. Hell, they are so cool that they can even have a guy named Kaka and get away with it. Maybe I should go with Fraka.

BTW: It's halftime of Brazil-Croatia, and Kaka scored the only goal of the first half. Brazil 1, Croatia 0.

Yo, Joey Vento, capisce dissa Inglese?

Joey Vento, owner of Geno's Steaks in South Philly, has been hit with bias suits for his "This is AMERICA ... WHEN ORDERING SPEAK ENGLISH" sign. I wonder how Joey Windbag is doing now that he's reading that lawsuit...IN ENGLISH. Muttering and sputtering in broken Italian, I'll just bet.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Pro Cycling Tour in Philadelphia

I spent all day yesterday (and have the sunburned face to prove it) at the Commerce Bank Philadelphia International Cycling Championship. I took over 300 shots, and I'm whittling them down for a Flickr set. In the meantime, I liked this one because of the sign in the upper left.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Goooooooooaaaaaaaaaal.

I was in Niketown in NYC last week and saw these Nike Zoom Total 90 Supremacy FG boots. They are some beautiful kind of intersection of engineering and art. And I thought I will be getting these for the Youngest FlipFlop when his U-14 team gets started in August. (He plays on a top team, and their uniforms are blue, so it's double cool. But I have to wait, because Young FlipFlop has Size 13 feet at Age 13, and they seem to be growing a size a month. So, I thought I'd wait until I could make sure his cleats would fit.)

Oh, yeah. The World Cup starts in about an hour.

Revenge Breeds Revenge

Michael Berg's father has a powerful perspective on the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi:
Well, my reaction is I'm sorry whenever any human being dies. Zarqawi is a human being. He has a family who are reacting just as my family reacted when Nick was killed, and I feel bad for that.
Mr. Berg, whose son was killed by al-Zarqawi, says "revenge breeds revenge." For the Bible-thumpers out there, that would be a WWJD directive: turn the other cheek. BTW, Bible-tumpers, Mr. Berg is Old Testament,where WWJD isn't part of the equation. Even more compelling what he's saying, non?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

George W. Bush Approval Map

This George W. Bush Approval Map should be called the George W. Bush Disapproval Map. Look at Little Georgie Porgie's rating drop like a rock since he stole the election in 2004.

Q&A with Dubya

The President recently went to a primary school in Macon, Georgia, to talk about the world. After his talk, he asked ifthe children had any questions. One little boy put up his hand, and the president asked him his name.

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

Kenneth said, "I have three questions:
1. Whatever happened to the weapons of mass destruction?
2. Why did you give a tax break to the super wealthy?
3. Did you steal votes to win both elections?"

Just then the bell rang for recess. President Bush informed the kids that they would continue after recess. When they resumed, the President said, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right,question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy put his hand up. Bush pointed to him and asked him his name.

"Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

To which Larry replied, "I have five questions:
1. Whatever happened to the weapons of mass destruction?
2. Why did you give a tax break to the super wealthy?
3. Did you steal votes to win both elections?
4. Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
5. What happened to Kenneth?"

(via BH Int'l)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A List of Things I Won't Be Doing

Running up to a wall and doing a backflip.

Going spelunking (especially the part about getting stuck).

Visting Crawford, Texas.

Voting for Man-on-Dog Senator Rick Santorum this November.

Eating pickled eggs.

Buying a Toby Keith album (see definitions 1, 2 and 3).

Dying anytime soon (okay, I have 30 years left).

Bear Alert PSA

If you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement:

In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don't scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears.

One can easily spot the Grizzly’s droppings because they have tiny bells in them. (via BH Int'l.)


One of my other favorite bear stories: Two guys are in the wooods, and all of a sudden a huge, angry bear came up on them on the trail. They froze. Then one of the guys wheels around and starts running. His buddy shouts, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!" And the runner shouts over his shoulder, "I can't outrun a bear. But I can outrun you."

Photo credit.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

God is Dead...

...or at least a guy who was eaten by a lion is. From Yahoo! News:
KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.

"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
What a great closing line.

Photo credit.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Wanna glass a wudder?

Since I moved to Philadelphia a number of years ago I've felt my old reliable Chicago accent (North Side, thank you) falling away. And hearing someone ask for a glass of wudder doesn't seem that odd anymore. Or that my boys play in baseball and soccer TOOR-nah-ments rather than TURN-ah-ments. Ah, the fun of regionality. So, it was interesting to read Charles Harrington's List of 100 Beastly Mispronunciations. (He doesn't explain, btw, why George Bush butchers "nuclear.")

As a side note, when I was a grammar schooler at Immaculate Conception, we were required to raise our hand when we had to use the bathroom and say, "Sister, may I use the lavatory?" But for the first three years of school, I thought that I was supposed to say, "Sister, may I use the laboratory?" (Ah, Catholics and holding their water. It could be a whole psychological study. I'm scarred for life.)

Photo credit.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Going to see the Dixie Chicks in Philadelphia

I got tickets yesterday for the Dixie Chicks' show in Philadelphia on July 25. Yes! The show is the fifth in a long sequence of their Accidents & Accusations Tour. It's no accident that their album is number one, their concerts are selling out, and more people than ever are ashamed of George Bush. Chicks Rule.

Photo credit.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Ursprache.

Ursprache: A parent language.

Hard work pays off in the long run, but stealing an election pays off immediately

I know, everyone is linking to Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s Was the 2004 Election Stolen? in Rolling Stone. I'm one of them.

BTW: The answer to the question is, "Yes, the 2004 election was stolen."