Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. - Oscar Wilde
Monday, July 31, 2006
More Police State
The "Summer of Death" in Philadelphia has been solved. And it starts with this guy and his cell phone. You see, in Philadelphia, the police heard he was "shooting" a picture, and said "Voila!, now we have our man." More cowbell. More police state. I feel much safer now knowing that this maniac isn't out there shooting innocent pictures anymore.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
I'm not sure why this definition from Urban Dictionary cracked me up so much (but it did):
Douche BagginsI guess it's for the reason that this site cracks me up.
A name/title usually reserved for one whose behavior is riddled with utter douchebaggery.
1) I was having a fine day at the store until Douche Baggins walked off with my cart and all the stuff in it.
2) Man, what a douche! If he were a hobbit he'd be Douche Baggins.
Friday, July 28, 2006
13 Years of Catholic School and a Big Wave
It started raining last night in Center City at 7:55 pm. At least that's when the rain arrived at 18th and Spruce.
I knew it was getting dark outside a little early, so it didn't surprise me that it was sprinking as I prepared to walk to the train station. Mais, apres moi, le deluge.
By the time I ran back inside and grabbed my yellow umbrella (yep, the one with the clear panel...I feel like Madeline when I carry it) it was pouring. Biblical. When I had walked half a block, the lower half of my pants were soaked. So, I went back to the office to wait out the worst of it.
Storms of that proportion don't often last long, and that was the case with the Giant Storm of 7:55. I waited. And 30 minutes later, the rain was down to a spittle.
I left the office and walked down Spruce. I took caution to stay away from the road edge because there were puddles. But my ADD kicked in at the corner of 17th and Spruce and I didn't notice a foot-deep pond in the road, just outside La Fontana Della Citta. But Taxi Boy did. And as the light turned green, he hit the gas.
It's funny how reactions work. I saw it all happen in slow motion. The light turn green. The taxi lurch forward. The driver staring right at me. The wall of water.
I didn't flinch. I didn't react. I just kept walking. I must have been hit by 100 gallons of water. It was warm. And it dripped from my shirt and jeans on my walk to Suburban Station.
I wasn't going to give that bastard the satisfaction of reacting. It's just what he wanted. He wanted me to jump back, to scream and holler, to flip him off. But I didn't. I just kept going. Soaked to the skin. And let him go home to his squalid Taxi Boy life. Sure, he Super Soakered me. I'm sure it was going to make his day, but it didn't work.
So, I went home, soaking wet, to my warm and dry house. And thought: 13 years of Catholic school, and the thing I learned most is not to react. To be in control. Sister Marie Claire would be proud. Sister, may I go to the lavatory now?
I Never Wanna See That
"Naw, naw, I never wanna see that."
"Naw, I never wanna see that."
"What? Halle Berry hittin' it with a white man?"
"Yeah, man, I never wanna see that."
Rittenhouse Square. 8:30 am this morning. Two guys sucking down 40s and philosophizing about the film world. Note to The Philosophers: It's okay, she was faking it.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
More Dixie Chicks in Philadelphia
The Dixie Chicks started their show last night in Philadelphia with Lubbock or Leave It. They did a little over two hours of music. Wow. Plus, four songs in the encore.
Emily was right above me for a large part of the show. She really interacts with the audience and seems really pleased to be playing. And play she can...she changed instruments for every song - banjo, electric guitar, mandolin, acoustic guitar. It was amazing. And she looked really great, too.
Natalie had the energy she always seems to have. I don't know how she does it, but she can sing power songs and then transition to acapella ballads without a blink.
Martie was on the other side of the stage and stayed there. Her fiddle playing was great...but we wished she would have come to the other side of the stage. Hmmm, I wonder why?
Dixie Chicks. Front Row. Fabulous.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Dixie Chicks Tonight in Philadelphia: I Must Be In the Front Row
I'm going to see the Dixie Chicks tonight in Philadelphia along with Mrs. iFlipFlop, Mr. WeatherReportCard, and Ms. LiquidTreats. Thanks to Ms. LiquidTreats, we'll be sitting in Section 1, Row 1. Up close. Personal. Fabulous. (I'm going to try to sneak a surreptitious picture or two.)
I'm looking forward to the reaction to Not Ready to Make Nice tonight. Chicks Rule.
Who Writes Headlines Like This?
Another for the "Idiot Headline Writers" archive: Killer fingers widow.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Name That Device
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
A Little Labware
I'm looking around for some labware to use as props for a video magazine we're producing at work. And I must admit, I want a chemistry lab. I used to know a little bit about chemistry (I was a polymer physicist when I first started working) and was waxing nostalgic about ordering lab supplies. Magnetic stirrers, those were my favorites. I might just order one today.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Some Things Are Just So Screwed Up
Little Israeli girls signing bombs intended for Lebanon with "From Israel, With Love" is one of them.
One of Life's Little Pleasures: Being Recognized
I walk past Manhattan Bagel on 18th Street each morning on my way to work. That place gets a lot of business and the lines are often very long. (reminds me of Yogi Berra saying, "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.") I go there for just a coffee.
One of life's little pleasures is being recognized. No matter how busy the place is, no matter how many people are in line, the owner grabs me a cup with just a quick glance. I nod, she winks, and I hand her $2. And I'm on my way. Smiling. It's a little thing, but a big thing, too.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
R5 Adventure: %*&$### Trains
Where's George Bush when I need him to lay down some scatology?
Okay, more later because I have to work now. But the worst words to hear in Suburban Station at 10:30 at night: "You will have to find alternate means home." That's it. Since then, it's been a whirlwind of travel. I stayed over at my office. Got back to Suburban at 5:45AM. Waited an hour. Had to get to 30th Street. Got home. Took the world's fastest shower and left my hair soaked. Got in my car and drove right back to Philadelphia. Now I have a client meeting. Then have to drive to Princeton at noon.
I might need a nap this afternoon. Then again, I need a nap every afternoon.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Okay, I was tempted to write a haiku about the haiku blog, 575, but I cannot do it justice. Suffice to say it's definitely worth a daily visit, quality writing in 5-7-5 style from one of the truly fine writers in the blogosphere. Here's a sample:
prefer the former,
but in the absence of it
youll take the latter.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Where's the Outrage, Man?
In Mexico City, a crowd of 900,000 told their government that they were not going to let right wingers steal their presidential election. We had it happen here in the last TWO elections. Ugh! Does this mean we need to hire illegal aliens to do our protesting for us, too?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
It's Hot. Africa Hot.
January through June was the warmest first half of any year in the continental United States since records began in 1895, U.S. government scientists reported Friday.It's hot. Africa hot.
The average January-June temperature was 51.8 degrees Fahrenheit — 3.4 degrees above the 20th century average, according to preliminary data reported by scientists at the National Climatic Data Center in Asheville, N.C.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Where the Hell is Matt?
This video, titled Where the Hell is Matt, made me smile.
Friday, July 14, 2006
A Little Urinal Reading
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I Won the Lottery on My Birthday...
...at least that's what these guys in the Netherlands say:
Lotto.nlWow! Lucky me. I think I'll send them an e-mail right now with all my banking and personal identification numbers. What a lucky man (he was).
Koningen Julianaplein 21, 2391 BD
Denhaag, The Netherlands
(Lotto affiliate with Subscriber Agents).
From: Susan Console (Lottery Co-ordinator)
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the lotto.nl Winners International programs held on the 11th of July, 2006. Your e-mail address attached to ticket #: 0175655522 with prize #: 31765549 NL drew €1,000,000.00 which was first in the first class of the draws. You are to receive €1,000,000.00 (One Million Euros). Because of mix up in cash pay-outs, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your money (€1,000,000.00) has been fully remitted to you by our accredited pay-point bank. This measure must be adhere to,in order to avoid loss of your cash prize - winners of our cash prizes are advised to adhere to these instructions to forestall the abuse of this program by other participants. It is important to note that this draws were conducted formally, and winners are selected through an internet ballot system from 50,000 individual and companies e-mail addresses - the draws are conducted around the world through our internet based ballot system. The promotion is sponsored and promoted lotto.nlL . We congratulate you once again. We hope you will use part of it in our next draws; the jackpot winning is €85million. Remember,all winnings must be claimed not later than 20days from today.After this date all unclaimed cash prize will be forfeited and included in the next sweepstake. Please, in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications remember to quote personal and winning numbers in all correspondence with us. Congratulations once again from all members of lotto.nl.Thank you for being part of our promotional program.
For immediate release of your cash prize to you, please kindly contact our Paying Bank
address written below.
Send them the following informations:
(i) Your name,
(ii) Contact telephone and fax numbers
(iii) Contact Address
(iv) Your winning numbers
(v) Quote amount won.
(vi) Notification date.
Contact person: Sherman Brinks
Tel: +31 649 953 670
Congratulations once again.
Yours in service,
Susan console(Lottery Co-ordinator)
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Bush Loses the Support of Moronic Voters
WASHINGTON, July 7 - President Bush appears to be
losing support among a key group of voters who had
hitherto stood firmly with the president even as his
poll numbers among other groups fell dramatically.
A new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time,
Bush's approval rating has fallen below 50% among
total fucking morons, and now stands at 44%. This
represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken
just last December, when 62% of total fucking morons
expressed support for the president and his policies.
The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 total
fucking morons between May 4 and May 8, reveals that
only 44% of those polled believe the president is
doing a good job, while 27% believe he is doing a poor
job and 29% don't understand the question.
The December poll, conducted by phone with 1,530 total
fucking morons, showed 62% approved of the president,
7% disapproved and 31% didn't understand the question.
Faltering approval ratings for the president among a
group once thought to be a reliable source of loyal
support gives Republicans one more reason to be
nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections. "If we
can't depend on the support of total fucking morons,"
says Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), "then we've got a big
problem. They're a key factor in our electoral
strategy, and an important part of today's Republican
"We've taken the total fucking moron vote for
granted," says Rep. Tom Feeney (R-FL), "and now we're
paying for it. We've let the Democrats control the
debate lately, and they've dragged discourse back into
the r ealm of complex, nuanced issues. So your average
total fucking moron turns on his TV and sees his
Republican Congressman arguing about Constitutional
law or the complexities of state formation in the
Middle East, and he tunes out. He wants to hear
comforting, pandering, flattering bromides and he
doesn't want to hear a logical argument more complex
than what you'd find on a bumper sticker."
For Feeney, the poll is a dire warning that
Republicans can ignore only at their peril. "This
should send a signal that we have to regain control of
the debate if we want the support of our key
constituencies in the coming election and beyond. We
need to bring public discourse back into the realm of
stupidity and vacuity. We should be talking about
homosexual illegal immigrants burning flags. We should
be talking about the power of pride. We should be
talking about freedom fries. These are the issues that
resonate with total fucking morons."
But some total fucking morons say it's too late. Bill
Snarpel of Enid, Oklahoma is a total fucking moron who
voted for Bush in both 2000 and 2004. But he says he
won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I don't like it
that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If
the Arabs own the ports then that means they'll let
all the Arabs in and then we'll all be riding camels
and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my
children singing the Star Spangled Banner in Muslim."
Total fucking moron Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California
also says his once solid support for Bush has
collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all those soldiers
died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but
now their new president is making fun of us and saying
he's going to build nuclear bombs and that we can't
stop him. Well, nuclear bombs are even worse than
WMDs, so what did we accomplish?"
Laura McDonald, a total fucking moron from Chandler,
Arizona, says she is disappointed that the president
hasn't been a more forceful advocate of Christian
values. "This country was founded on Christian
values," she says, "but you'd never know it looking
around and seeing all the Mexicans running around. I
thought Bush was going to bring Jesus back into the
government. Instead, Christians are being persecuted
worse than ever before in history, because all these
Mexicans come here and tell Christians that we have to
respect their religious beliefs. So now it's illegal
for children to pray in school. Soon it will be
illegal for them to speak English."
Not all total fucking morons have turned their backs
on the president. Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas says he
still fully supports Bush. "He is doing a great job.
He is a great president. He is a great decider. I have
a puppy. His tail sticks straight up and you can see
And not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about
the poll. Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN), for one, does
not find it a cause for anxiety. While he agrees that
his party should not take total fucking morons for
granted, they "really don't have anywhere else to go.
They're never going to be able to understand someone
like Al Gore or John Kerry or anybody intelligent and
articulate who wants to talk about substantive issues.
Just try having a conversation with one of them about
global warming. They'll say, 'Oh, but Rush says
volcanoes consume more ozone than humans do.' I mean,
they're morons! Total fucking morons!"
"They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms
with a smile, "and they always vote."
(via BH Int'l)
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Frosty the Wonder Cat
Frosty the Wonder Cat died on Sunday of FIP. He was the Wonder Cat, and although we had him for only a short time, he was already a treasured member of the iFlipFlop household. Frosty - aka, Frosty J. Bucket, Bucket, Muggs, Frosty J, Frosty J XXIII, and Here Kitty Kitty - loved people. He was the Youngest iFlipFlop's favorite...and the feeling was mutual. See one, see them both.
Now he's gone. Some people will ask "How long did you have him?" as if a length of time can predict how much you'll miss him. I'll say this...we had Frosty the Wonder Cat for way too short a time, and we'll miss him forever.
The iFlipFlopburg Address
Monday, July 10, 2006
Back from Sweet Home, Chicago
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Flying to Chicago Tonight
George W. Bush Turns 60; Age Now Matches I.Q.
Ken Lay's Final Prayer
Ken Lay's Final Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
Hey...wait a minute...Ken Lay's not dead.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
France Beats the Flopping Fish of Portugal
France is moving on to the World Cup finals. Les Bleus beat the Portuguese Flopping Fish 1-0.
I Know I'm Not Supposed to Laugh
Man, I know I'm not supposed to laugh, but I did when I read this.
Drink Canada Dry and Take Pax to Work
I like Diet Canada Dry Caffeine Free Ginger Ale. Wait a minute...what DOES it have then? Anyways, something about ginger ale reminds me of flying on airplanes, because that's the place that most people drink it (and nowhere else...really, how often do you buy ginger ale?).
So, I was sitting down to do a little blogging and popped the top on a Canada Dry. And thought, hey, we should have a Take Pax to Work Day. New Jersey state employees are non-essential...and Soylent Green is people! Coincidence?
Bonus Canada Dry joke: I crossed the border into Canada and began seeing "Drink Canada Dry" signs everywhere. That's a helluva challenge for a huge country with such a small population. They might do better keeping to cross country skiing. -Stephen Wright
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Lamborghini on Rittenhouse
Some people have more independence than others on Independence Day. I saw this Lamborghini last night outside Bleu.
Independence at 580 horse power; $319,000; 180 mph; no side air bags.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Live Tour de France Google Maps
Okay, this live Google Map of Le Tour de France est magnifique!
Nursing Mothers Protest Victoria's Secret; Skinny Jeans Their Next Target
Nursing mothers protested at Victoria's Secret yesterday, accusing the lingerie manufacturer of "discriminating against nursing mothers" by not making maternity underthings. The group, who call themselves the Tits-a-Floppins, is targeting Karl Lagerfeld's skinny jeans next, saying that "just because our baby bellies hang to our knees doesn't mean that other people should be allowed to wear tight pants." BTW: I don't think Courtney Cox was part of the protest group.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
How do you say "scumbag flop monkeys" in Portuguese?
Ugh, Portugal "beat" England in penalty kicks to move on to the semifinals of the World Cup. Dammit. They are the biggest pussies on the planet. So, does anyone know how to say "scumbag flop monkeys" in Portuguese?
George Bush Sings U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday
George Bush is a multitalented man. Here he is singing U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday.
Scott Adams on Flag Burning
Scott Adams posted a fascinating essay about flag burning on The Dilbert Blog:
I was delighted to learn that American politicians are trying to make it illegal to burn the American flag. That can only mean that my dedicated public servants have finally solved the problems of crime, drugs, war, poverty, terrorism, healthcare, immigration, and the mystery of why our children are such idiots compared to Norwegians. Evidently those issues are now under control. I was starting to worry that Congress was wasting my tax dollars doing stupid shit.More.