Groucho Makes Me Laugh
Guillaume sent these to me. Here's to a Friday laugh!
- A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
- Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
- From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Go, and never darken my towels again.
- I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
- I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
- It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
- Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
- Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
- Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
- My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
- Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
- Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- Women should be obscene and not heard.
- I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
Labels: Groucho
